How to free yourself from the toxic relationships of your past


We all carry baggage from our pasts; it is unavoidable. What is avoidable is how much you allow the harmful events and toxic relationships of your past to influence the quality of your present day relationships and experiences. You can stew about past events and allow them to dictate your well-being and quality of life, or you can consciously choose to identify and ‘unhook’ yourself from invalidating or otherwise unpleasant past experiences and flourish as a result of the wisdom you’ve gained.

Unhooking from hurtful past experiences begins by acknowledging firstly that they happened and secondly, by reflecting on the effect they have had and are having on your success and happiness today.  For example, did your relationship with your parents cause you to be less trusting or to close yourself off from constructive feedback? Did you end a toxic relationship in the past that made you feel you weren’t worthy of your desires and cause you to lose sight of what makes you special and unique? 

When you start to recognize the influences in your past that are holding you back, as far as possible, it is important to come to terms with the specifics of the situation, yes, but perhaps more importantly, the core message/understanding about yourself that you deeply internalised and received.  The reason for this is because more often than not, we unknowingly jump to conclusions, tell ourselves ‘a story’ about what we believe happened, take it personally and begin to base our thinking, behaviour and creativity upon a limiting untruth.

It is also worth bearing in mind that while some of us are affected by events from as far back as childhood; others are affected by a decision to end a toxic relationship from just two years ago. Sometimes however, we can find ourselves on the receiving end of a particularly unhealthy relationship pattern that has been on replay in some form or other our whole lives.

Armed with this deeper understanding of the event that is still impacting you today, you should know that not only can you overcome the fears and insecurities you have been carrying, crucially, you can use it as a powerful opportunity to heal and come into a greater appreciation, and hence more confident expression of yourself. 

Unhooking yourself from the past takes courage.  It can sometimes be difficult to recognise a deep preference to stay hooked because depending on the situation, it is actually more comfortable to continue believing false and limiting ideas about yourself than to change the way you’ve been doing things up until now.  

Once you begin recognising those ideas as false however, you must be determined, decisive and willing to take bold intuitive action to infuse new, more aligned energy into your relationships, projects and experiences. Your decision to end a toxic relationship and unhook yourself from its effects is just the beginning of your journey to find more fulfilling relationships that are in tune with your personal goals.  

Together, these qualities represent a life-changing commitment to yourself and is based on the innate knowledge that you deserve and are meant for more.  As you do this, bit by bit, you literally begin reshaping the landscape of your life and soon enough notice yourself growing, changing and attracting different types of opportunities and experiences when previously, there seemed no way.

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