Building confidence is a goal that many people want to achieve, but it’s often unclear how to get there. The connection between wanting confidence and achieving it is often blurry, and it can be challenging to know exactly how to achieve your dreams, passions and goals. One of the things that helps you gain confidence is learning to trust yourself. When you go through something as painful as divorce, it can be difficult to know what to do after such a major part of your life disappears. It’s natural to wonder how to trust again after divorce, whether that means trusting others or yourself. Trusting others is much easier when you trust yourself as well, and it’s normal to doubt yourself after such a major shift in your life. Fortunately, finding trust again after divorce is possible, and you can rebuild your confidence in yourself with some of these steps.
What does it mean to trust yourself?
Knowing what is important to you, being aware of your strengths and shortcomings, being able to accept constructive feedback, and staying steadfast and clear when it comes to decision making and your choices are all signs that you trust yourself.
If you often doubt your decisions, are overly critical of your actions, and are afraid to speak your mind, you might need to work on how to trust yourself more. Trusting yourself helps you make decisions and commitments that challenge you in all the feel-good ways, encourage you to express your views and values with conviction, and help you go after the opportunities and experiences that feel most aligned. If you continue not to trust yourself, you will find yourself limited in your career and relationships by negative self-talk and self-sabotaging behaviors and this can be a frustrating cycle that repeats itself again and again. Fortunately, self-trust is a skill that can be built, and you can use it to overcome self-doubt and low self-esteem.
Self-esteem can take a serious hit after an event like a divorce, so it’s important to take care of yourself and start building yourself back up as soon as you can. Self-esteem and confidence can have major impacts on not just your relationships, but other areas of your life like your business.
Here are the top 5 things you need to know if you desire to take greater control of your life by developing a healthier sense of self-trust:
On your journey to trust again after divorce and rebuild self-esteem, it is important that you are compassionate with yourself. If you have really negative internal dialogue, it can be hard to bounce back from a mistake or see your dreams as attainable. Being compassionate towards yourself means training your inner voice to talk to you the way a trusted friend or family member would. Changing your internal dialogue to one of self-compassion will help you see your strengths and remind you, not only that you are worthy of the life you desire … you are capable of achieving it too. It will also allow you to auto-correct and more quickly navigate any challenges you might face on the way to your dreams because you won’t waste valuable time feeling overly guilty and beating yourself up.
When you are learning to trust yourself again, it is critical to set aside protected time and space to reflect. Make sure to make space to journal or meditate so you can not only work out your feelings, but see how far you’ve come and celebrate as you take the mini-steps required to reach your goals. Asking yourself questions such as “What is really happening here?” or “How does it make me feel when he/she treats me this way?” or any other questions that direct your attention to what might be happening beneath the surface of a particular emotion or experience you are trying to work through can be extremely revealing. For some people, it can be more helpful to write their responses down and in some cases, simply asking yourself the question is enough to enable you to ‘just know’. You can also consider using a spiritual space making practice such as the one Marie Kondo, shares in her book, “The life-changing magic of tidying up” to dramatically update the look and feel of your home. This will give your inner connection time a brand new importance and signal to your subconscious mind that you are serious and committed to creating real change.
In this quest to know and therefore, trust yourself more, you must make space to distance yourself from external voices and learn to listen to what your inner voice has to say. Everyone grows up with external expectations from family, loved ones, school, etc., and it can be easy to accept those as our own. When you start feeling dissatisfied with the life you feel you’re “supposed” to lead however, you must begin to separate your wants and desires from the ones that have been impressed upon you. An event like divorce can definitely make your own desires a lot clearer, so it’s important to spend time with yourself to figure out what those are and make time to learn how to trust again after divorce. Making decisions based on your own inner guidance can feel scary at first but don’t underestimate the importance of this step. It literally is the foundation of building a life that is truly yours, that reflects your innate beauty and talent and that commands attention and respect when you express yourself in your unique way.
It is not unlikely on this path of building greater connection with yourself, that at times you might find yourself struggling with overly critical thoughts and all-or-nothing thinking. You can combat this firstly by journaling about your feelings and using this as a way to reconnect with the admirable qualities some of your past choices and achievements demonstrate about your character. Secondly, you can play with the idea of giving yourself smaller tasks to build a bigger, new and healthier habit you desire to grow into. As you build this out over time, in your journal, keep track of the days you achieve your goals. When you’ve accomplished the goal of establishing the new habit, you’ll be able to look back and see that you were able to commit to the new tasks, which will in turn build your feeling of accomplishment and self-confidence too.
Your work toward being able to trust yourself again requires you to be open to being vulnerable, because it is in your vulnerable moments that you learn the most about yourself. As a start, you can use your reflection/journaling time to be as open and vulnerable with yourself as you wish. Your vulnerability can truly be a gateway through which you begin to glimpse, and eventually access your own power. It enables you to validate your own wisdom and emotions and connect with your deep courage and strength. By extension, showing yourself in an authentic way helps you attract people into your life who share your values and respect your dreams.
In summary, self-trust is an essential ingredient in creating a thriving, purposeful and meaningful life. It’s essential to your life after a major shift like divorce and will help you recover, heal, and gain a life you love again. It will help you set and keep long term goals, make the impact you are here to make, and you’ll accomplish so much more when you trust your own inner voice and start living in alignment with your own values and beliefs. As you begin trusting yourself more, you’ll stop feeling as though you’re living someone else’s life, and find yourself more confidently and enthusiastically pursuing your own important goals and dreams once more.